I know that I said I was planning on posting earlier than this, however, that obviously didn't happen. Minecraft/Dexter/Homework/Friends are all quite a bit more interesting than writing about my own life... Ironic since that's the whole reason I decided to write this in the first place!
The most interesting tid-bit about this day is the conversation that I had with the woman I have liked for roughly 10 months now.
"He's just really adorable and nice and has great morals and he's smart, we have similar interests and he can relate to me, he doesn't lock away his feminine side but has enough masculinity as well. Not to mention he's really attractive"
For the record, I've seen this guy, he's a bit bigger round the middle than I am, face has more acne on it than mine... and obviously his hair just could never be better than my amazing locks! (If you don't get this, then it's obvious you don't know me in person.) That's not even the thing about this description that truly got me a bit riled up inside either.
It was the fact that this described me all too well!
She's said those same things about me before, at different times, mind you, but she has said them.
Of course, the conversation did continue well after this... I told her that I understand how she feels about liking someone, knowing that they won't admit to liking you back, and that neither of you will actually say anything about it. So, I went into detail about how I knew this and why it can always be a lot worse than how she's currently described how she feels...
"I know how you feel. However, I'm saying that it can get a lot worse once you get a taste of what love really is between two separate humans and then you forever know what is missing from your life. And then, when you know someone that's a perfect match for you, and you know that now is simply not the time for it, no matter how badly you wish it was, and that you have to sit and wait, with no idea how it's going to turn out. How no other person is even able to catch your eyes... and you're okay with this because you know you have friends that can, will, and have supported you through these times, some that have even gone through the same things, and then there you have those friends, those lucky lucky friends that have been able to find their own perfect matches already. From seeing them together, you know that the pain and emptiness that you feel in your heart will be nothing compared to how great you will feel when you're finally with your match!"
At this point, things got quite a bit hectic for both of us. We've promised to pick it back up after Monday (her very busy day with school...) and I hope to find some enlightenment at that point.
Part of me is greatly hoping that she only likes him because she's just now really getting to know him, that her "liking" of him will fade away when spring break or summer rolls around. Hearing her tell me these things does feel like having a claw being raked across my heart at times, but that's what I get for telling her at one point that I no longer liked her. My reasons for that? I wanted her to be open with me again... she figured that if I liked her, it would hurt me for her to open up to me. Honestly, I'd rather be in pain and be told the truth, than to be "blissfully unaware" and be told a lie.
Then, on top of all of this, there are those days where I seem to be the only person that can see through the mask she throws up to the rest of the world and notice that something is wrong... and I am able to cheer her up and bring her out of her "funk". This "guy" she likes doesn't seem to be able to do this. Her best friend can't even seem to be able to do this. As far as I can tell, I'm one of the few people (if not the only person) that can see past this and talk her through it, to cheer her up. Alas, I guess I there is no way of knowing how this will turn out, but I am still hoping that everything works out between her and I.
"I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why"
-Everything You Want, Vertical Horizon
